The Beauty of Submission in Marriage Part 1

Marriage is a beautiful thing. Assuming you are not cynically jaded, no doubt you agree. Ever stop to wonder why? How is it that so many marriages have so much struggle and bitterness and yet, we all as a whole still look at it as a beautiful thing? There are many beautiful aspects. Love, forgiveness, joy. These things are beautiful. But more so is the harmony and peace, the two people becoming one.

Let us look at some examples, like the military. There is a hierarchical structure that allows, in theory, better efficiency. And this efficiency can also be seen in the complexity if hundreds of thousands of soldiers, all doing something different, and yet working together. Harmony and complexity. Those thousands upon thousands of soldiers are all doing something different, and coordinated, obeying and submitting to the superiors so that all the way up to the top, the will of the 3 star general can be accomplished. It is a beautiful thing.

There is no argument that a married couple will not always see eye to eye, due to the diversity of wills and competing desires. When we create harmony in a marriage relationship, we are increasing the unity of that which is already diverse, namely, the diversity of two wills.

When you try to have 50/50 control, you cannot make a decision, this is absolutely guaranteed to create indecisiveness and fighting. Fighting is discord, not harmony, ergo its lack of beauty. Fighting is never beautiful and is always going to be an issue when there is no unity or harmony. There are of course those who say they share 50/50 control but, in actuality, are not, for in practice such is never the case.

But there is another reason that we can conclude submission is beautiful. Just like how a painting reflects the painter in some form or fashion, God’s creation and plans reflect who He is. His plan is always a beautiful one, for two reasons; one because He is beautiful (reflecting Him) and two, because it will necessarily involve complexity that is harmonized. Often times however, we are too close to the painting to fully appreciate it. We need to step back to get a better view, to see the fuller picture. If we cannot see how things are connected, and therefore in harmony, we cannot see the beauty, but it seems to us chaos. Even with this in mind, we are still going to struggle to grasp the full picture because we will never understand or see all of it. Our knowledge is always going to be limited. Nonetheless, God is honored when we appreciate and marvel at the beauty that He has skillfully illustrated with His artistic hands.

Next week we will take a look at a few practical examples of where failure to submit has destroyed beauty and created confusion and chaos; with the help of Wayne Grudem and John Piper’s book, Recovering Biblical Manhood and Womanhood. In the mean time, God bless.

For Further Discussion:


The Reformed Conservative aims to reunite gentlemanly virtues with scholarly conversation. Standing in the great Reformed and conservative heritage of thinkers like Edmund Burke and Abraham Kuyper, we humbly seek to inject civility into an informed conversation, one article at a time, bringing clarity out of chaos.

Share This Post