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Why Men are Opting Out of Marriage

The increase of man caves, the lack of men going to college, and fewer men getting married are just tell-tale signs of what is really going on to men today. The statistics show that men are opting out of marriage. A 2020 poll conducted by Pew Research shows that over 85% of men believe that marriage is not an essential component to living a fulfilled life.

Men have conducted, consciously or subconsciously, a cost/benefit analysis. Their conclusion: Marriage, college and work are not worth it. Instead, men are on strike. And we wonder where all the good men went!

So says Dr. Helen Smith. But what are men analyzing that is causing them to avoid ‘growing up?’ Dr. Smith shows 8 reasons why men are seeing the risks of marriage as too high:

  1. You’ll lose respect
  2. You’ll lose out on sex
  3. You’ll lose friends
  4. You’ll lose on space
  5. You’ll lose your kids, and your money
  6. You’ll lose in court
  7. You’ll lose your freedom
  8. Single life is better than ever

After looking at this list, it is no wonder that men don’t want to take that risk. What is fascinating is the differences between men and women. Women will get together in groups and bicker to each other about their mile-long list of grievances against their husbands, but men typically don’t do this. They just leave. They don’t throw pity parties, they just walk out.

Our society today is relentlessly anti-men. Men are seen as idiots, useless, and unimportant. In fact, apparently, even dogs get treated better than men do.

The Christian Response

The deck is stacked against them. But here is where the true Church of Christ should be counter-cultural. In our churches, we should have strong male leadership that teaches the truth of God’s word and who lead with boldness. The men in our churches should be heads of their households and have the respect of their wives. Women should lovingly submit to their husbands and should be helping their husbands take dominion of the garden God has given them. Women should be taught to not withhold sex from their husbands. Because let’s be frank, women don’t always want to have sex at the same rate as men. Men need sex. This is their outlet, their solace, their comfort, their resting place from the battle they face every day.

One-question Opinion Poll: Which ideology is the greatest threat to the Christian church today?

Men are vital to having a functional society. In our society though, boys don’t dress like their fathers, but fathers are dressing up like their sons. What are the incentives for men to get married? In the Church, a huge incentive to get married is the fact that sex outside of marriage is a sin and therefore, less sex outside of marriage is happening. This is why in the church you will find that marriage will continue on. This is a boys passage into manhood in the Church. He becomes a respected member of the community when he takes on the responsibility of having a wife and, eventually, children.

When boys are given the privileges of sex and girls at a young age without the responsibility, there will be a rise in promiscuity, the hookup culture, and inevitably, a society without men. I pray the Lord will continue to give wisdom to His church in the realm of gender roles and the importance of women being women and men being men.

Nicole Leaman

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Nicole Leaman is a wife and mother of four daughters. With a degree in Criminal Justice, she writes essays about social matters regarding women and culture as a Senior Contributor to The Reformed Conservative.

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